You were an inch from the edge of this bed

Hello world and all who read this. I’m at barns and noble right now, one of my favorite places, with a soy chai tea, one of my favorite drinks. Sleepy Head by Passion Pit is playing. I do love this song.

I think lately I’ve been confused. REALLY confused. Questioning myself at every corner, second-guessing myself constantly. Wondering if I like where I am at right now? I guess everyone goes through a phase of downtime, and it’s my turn. I just need to pay more attention to me and to my feelings before I go around trying to fix everyone else and make them happy; because I think at the end of the day people can ALWAYS find something to be sad about. So even if am able to make someone’s life better, it’s out of my hands if they chose to be happy about it at the end of the day.

Lately my favorite person in the world has been my best friend Parker. I don’t know what it is but he is just ALWAYS happy. His lows are either from exhaustion or hunger. I want to be more like that. I want to not let things get to me and I want to be happy with what is happening and happy with where I am going. If only right? I’m not saying I don’t love being around everyone else, it’s just hmm nice to have that ray of sunshine around me. (: He’s my Jacob

Maybe it’s just so much fun to be around him because he is SO easy to tease. I forgot how much fun it is to play and joke around for hours. Have I become too serious? I don’t want to be serious! I want to always be a kid at heart; I mean I know lots of adults have told me I’m very mature for my age, but it’s not that, I mean shit… fart jokes crack me up, I think it’s just I’m mature in the sense I have an insane amount of empathy for people.

And maybe it’s that empathy for the world and all it’s sorrow that gets me down. Everyone has a sad story it seems. Everyone has sorrow in their hearts, and I can’t fix it! How positively frustrating! LOL

There is nothing left to do but to go forward from here and hope that in the end the road I’m traveling on takes me to a greater place.

what do you think?

i think i like to play with fire.

and it's bad as a pisces.

i need to get back to the water.

wish me luck :]

So again… procrastination! I LOVE THIS TRAIT! It only happens with school stuff. Big assignments. I feel that maybe it’s that I know I work best under the pressure. Its when I have the most concentration the most rapid thoughts and ideas spouting out of my brain. I will be busy this next week might not be able to post much and express my POSITIVE thoughts. Lol

Got Three essays to do and a PowerPoint presentation as well. Time to get my ass on a roll! :]

YAY!

inspire someone else? :[

So, I suppose I should be feeling bad, I said something that hurt one of my best friends feelings today. It wasn’t supposed to hurt her feelings. I guess I should listen to everyone else and just quit trying but I wouldn’t want my friends to give up on me, so why would I give up on them?

Anyways I honestly don’t remember what it was I said to make her so angry with me but I mentioned something about her father. Not that she ever talks about much of things from her past unless I pry, from what I know he passed away when she was younger, and the stories I heard about him from her and her family all pointed out that he was a strong friendly amazing person who put up with a lot and made the most out of what he could. I admire that and I am truly sorry that she is missing out on a positive and loving father to be her role model and friend.

I get so depressed seeing her constantly down and sad about life, seriously it makes me want to just throw my arms up and not care about anything. It’s hard to see your best friend feeling like she’s worthless and everything else all the time. Of course it’s not just her, its pretty much everyone I know in this world. Our society doesn’t make the average person feel like they are worth anything. It’s sad.

Anyways I was laying in bed thinking about what her father would say to her, I imagine he’s watching down on her and I wondered what he would have to say to try to make her feel better, to try to inspire here when EVERYTHING I’ve tried has failed miserably. So I asked her what do you think your dad would say? She closed the door on me and then eventually came out and said to me twice that what I had said was a low blow. She then preceded to walk out the house then back again for her purse and work clothes to walk to work in the rain.

I honestly don’t know what to do. How in the world does one inspire someone to love and appreciate themselves and the life around them? How do you get someone to start believing in themselves and thinking positively? Is the answer what everyone tells me to do? Just stop it and let it go? Do I just give up? I mean it’s common knowledge that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. It never works.

So what do I do now?

Happy Mothers Day

I wrote this really long weird story about how being a mother is like a never ending craft project, but then I was just rambling on about how I think it might be for mothers when really I don't know so I decided that I'd get back to you on that one once I have a kid.

Which wont be any time soon.

To get back to the point. Happy Mothers Day to all you mothers out there. I hope that your kids have made you proud :]

I am supposed to be doing homework, but blogging happened, so I'll do it tomorrow. :)

Hope everyone has had a good day.. well night now and that dreams are sweet and filled with peace and love.

"peace power *sniff sniff*

I need to take a shower" -daisy

p.s

i hope your kids aint like prison mike.

c(:

instead of

Instead of doing homework I'm watching spongebob, having breakfast, and waiting for my clothes to dry so that I can go on a walk. I love walks by myself on beautiful days like this. Just the wind the sun and me and my pod. :)

I have a lot to do in the next few months so I'm pretty excited. There are three weeks left of the semester. Gotta step it up a bit. I hope to find a new job with more hours and better pay because in the fall I am transferring to CSUMB. I need to step up my game on being more outgoing and energetic. I have a book waiting for my as soon as school is over; Charlaine Harris' new one, Dead in the Family. TrueBlood starts soon! 2 year anniversary in September! Play dates with all my favorite peoples. If I get to my weight goal by the end of this month (-6 pounds) I am going to get my nails done.

I just need to step it up and stop with the excuses. I hope that you all have good things to look forward to, and remember that the glass is half full and that the future is not scary, just another journey.

believe

I could be watching Iron Man 2 right now with the boyfriend. But my tummy is too upset to possibly enjoy the movie. So instead we are sitting at home, he’s playing the DS and I’m writing to say hi.

Writing to just remind myself about how I need to be more on track and that I need to work harder at my goals. (:

I found out today Marilyn Monroe was a size 14. SIZE 14! It’s my personal goal to get down to a size 14/16. I want to be back to my curvy self and able to wear clothes from Urban Outfitters and such. I LOVE that store.

I know I just have to keep my head high and push forward through it. I have to learn to believe in myself (more so then I do, because I do… way more then most people believe in themselves ).

believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe believe!

well, hello

i'm feeling exceptionally positive today. :)

lets conquer this day and

make the most out of

everything.