I give all the love I have, yet it's not enough.
Apparently I am incapable of tough love, yet again-what I have to give, is not enough.
So for now I'm moving on to me. School is going to be more then I can handle for awhile.
So many interesting things to decipher though with regards to what it is I need to know for tests, what I'll need to remember for essays, what might be useful for my capstone... (which btw I have ABSOLUTELY no clue as to where to start looking for a topic. YAY.. O_o) or what will be most useful for my career (which also, coincidently I also have ABSOLUTELY no clue as to what I want to do).
Between that and managing a part time job, (of which I got cut a day, and still make minimum wage 1/2 of the time.... >.<) learning spanish, my social life with my friends, and my love life with my boyfriend, I just don't know if I'll have time to continue to be the only one in this relationship who puts an effort into it. Maybe thats just selfish, but when you give everything you humanly can to a person, and they are still 98% miserable, what the fuck else is there to do? Now mind me I'm sure I'm being bitter and maybe this is the tough love. But it's like that saying, "if you love someone set them free" If they come back.. well grand. If not then I will either be really REALLY royally pissed off, or I will just say I did all I can. I mean it takes two to tango correct?
I'm looking forward to a lot of things in life though. Looking forward to learning more about people, and all the different aspects of how our decisions are factors of the world around us. Everything that happens can be said to be a reason of something else. In other words I just got myself a few new excuses as to why I do the things I do and why I should be able to do the things I want.
To illustrate; the new argument as to why the boif should be able to spend the night:
"Now Mom, the only reason I ask is because in our society, and in our culture it is now acceptable to live at home past 18 (as much as it may drive us both crazy). I am simply trying to make the best of what I have. Positive thinking riiiight? Our culture has changed from the culture you grew up in, I don't see why it would be such a problem if my boyfriend spent the night. It's not as taboo as it was then. On top of that technology has changed and the birth control we have in this modern area further prevents one of the reasons having a boyfriend spend the night was so "taboo." Plus the gender roles of our country are changing. The way men are is different then the way they used to be, they have become more sensitized with regards to caring about the opinions of others (which I think is a result of women always wanting a strong yet empathetic man who could write her poetry aawwwwweee; now mind you this desensitization of men has it's pros and cons but moving on). I mean can you imagine my boyfriend doing anything that would make you mad at him? On top of that I just can't give into capitalism and go out and spend my hard earned minimum wage money on a hotel. DON'T let me give into the cycle of capitalism. So can he mom can he?"
LMAO.
Oh how I amuse myself.
You have to laugh to keep from crying right?
I'm also looking forward to the continuous journey of happiness. Since Happiness is not a destination, it is a journey. Who knows maybe I'll become a famous social thinker that illustrates how the world should be more positive. Maybe I can prove that dancing is the answer to depression. Who knows what the future holds or what's in store for me. But I do know that I'm going to enjoy the ride as much as I can while I can.
1 comment:
I didn't comment to this post at the time because well, there was a lot of good stuff in it, and I didn't want to just spit something out without thinking about it first.
But learning about yourself, what you want, what you need, this all comes with time, and talking about it. Once you talk about your ideas, you will find yourself finding that path you are looking for. It is right in front of you.
Love you.
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