Sunday, August 22, 2010

just thinking about it all

Sometimes it seems like the world is spinning faster and faster, whirling around, upside down, and back & fourth. Reflecting on it all, I imagine a dizzying bokeh photograph. But maybe the world isn't spinning faster and faster, maybe my mind is slowly flickering out. Looking back on memories, most of the time I only recall the way I felt, and the memories seem to fade away, slipping through my fingers. Maybe I need a Pensive in my room, just like Dumbledore has in his office. I could pull out my memories and place them in antique little jars.

If only right?

On another similar note, today I had an epiphany when I was driving. I'm not foolish enough to think I'm the first one to come to this conclusion, so If I'm saying something thats been said before, forgive me. I think one of the greatest things about humanity and the human race is also one of our greatest flaws. As humans we have an enormous capacity to forgive people and to still love those who have hurt us. It seems to me, that we are constantly giving people the benefit of the doubt, believing they have changed their ways and some how managed to become a better person. Now don't get me wrong, yes people change, but it's very rare when they do- Miraculous, but rare. And we know it too! We know that people don't change, we know how hard it is to change! Yet we continue to forgive others and to believe that things will be better. We let others back into to our hearts hoping for the best only to be let down once again. Nothings changed. I think we knew all along that things wouldn't change.

I want to know why it is we go back to those broken relationships; with mothers who always blame everything on you, even if you don't live with them anymore; with boyfriends and girlfriends who treat us like crap; with family who can't accept you for who you are; with any dysfunctional relationship really.

At the end of the day I think it's simply that we love what we have no matter how fucked up it is. We want things to get better, we HAVE to believe that things will get better. Things will get better. They have to get better. After all there is no where to go but up, no?




Right?




I hope so.

1 comment:

PrettyChaotic said...

Love You. =) You and your thought process.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

Thought of you.