because

Relationships are never easy. Not with friends, family, or significant others.

Every relationship has it's ups and downs right? And it's normal to worry about them yes?

I'm worried about on of my relationships, and it's been stressing me out.

Last night when I was hanging out with my boyfriend and we were snuggling, two embarrassing things happened to me. I don't know why it happened then, but for the first time in a long time I started to cry. Poor boyfriend didn't know what was happening or where it came from. Part of it had to do with my own damn clumsiness, I wish that I was less clumsy and more sexy. (too much to ask for huh? lol) And another had to do with the sadness I feel from the silence that seems to be making frequent stays with my relationship with one of my best friends.

He kept asking me what was wrong while wiping away my tears and kissing them, and the words were there in my mind. UGH I'm just clumsy and the opposite of sexy and when you leave she wont talk to me.

So Instead of playing that same record that he's heard a million times by now, I just said I was embarrassed for elbowing him in the face and how clumsy I am. And I closed my eyes as he held me and ran his fingers through my hair and I tired not to think of the silence I'd be getting later on.

I just don't know what to do any more. Okay thats a lie. I know what to do and I know what will make it better, but it's nothing that I can do, it's something she has to do and something she wont do. So in the mean I guess I'm going to hope that this friendship wont fall apart.

S.S.S

I have to say that it really sucks knowing that people don’t like you. I mean it’s not like it really effects me that these people dislike me, but It would really be nice if they did.

I get that not everyone is going to like everyone but it would have been nice if things had turned out differently, you know what I mean?

He’s sitting right next to me, and I’m going to assume he saw me at one point or another? Maybe I’m wrong though. Maybe I’m just being insecure? Maybe it’s that I remember how I felt back them? Ugly, fat, stupid, not good enough, and just boring.

I don’t think I’m a bad person… yet there are people in this world who don’t like me for one reason or another. Where was my chance?

On another note… I can’t stop thinking about New Mexico. Starting over. Some place new. And Snow.

Pride is tomorrow. :)

If I take anything away form tomorrow I hope that it will be to be okay with who I am.

Everyone should be happy with who they are, no matter what their flaws are. :]

Well all make mistakes and no one is perfect but at least most of us do what we can

with what we have.

Hope you embrace yourself!

It's my wish for you.

I wished upon a rainbow. :p

you "LAUGH"

well what now?

What went wrong?

I'm going to end up with out something I love soon.

& there isn't anything else for me to do.

It takes two to tango.

Two to make anything work.

And I've have literally tried to do EVERYTHING.

Clearly not good enough.

So the question is.

What are you doing about it?

hmm?

What am I doing and where am I going.

Who's coming with me and who's staying behind?

Will everything work out in the end?

I think Confucius said something about how life is suffering.

So is the goal of our lives to just make it through the suffering??

I want to go above and beyond that please.

I'd like to be happy.

meeeerrrrr

i feel a heart break coming on.

and i don't want to talk about it...

mostly on the account i'm not allowed to.

there is so much i'd love to blog about

but i can't and that makes me not want to blog.

why shouldn't i be able to talk about whatever i want

when ever with whom ever where ever i want?!

UGH.

i wish sometimes i could give people a dose of their own

medicine. see how they like it. meh.

funk

It appears that I am in a funk. How I hate thee.
Just want to be lazy and forget everything.
is that too much to ask for?

I want to sit around and to try different types of wine,
eat crackers, cheese, and fruit.

And to watch TrueBlood season 3 already,

Or at least have a new book to read!

And Eclipse... Seriously cannot wait. Call me special but I've been reading these books since I was a sophomore in high school way before all these little beeotches came along and started the stupid twilight craze.

You think it's too much to ask?



On another note...
I hate knowing that I did it.
It hurts me and I feel like a fool.
I'm sorry and I wish I could take it back.
& I wish that this heat would go away.

& also... I miss the rain and cold.