because

Relationships are never easy. Not with friends, family, or significant others.

Every relationship has it's ups and downs right? And it's normal to worry about them yes?

I'm worried about on of my relationships, and it's been stressing me out.

Last night when I was hanging out with my boyfriend and we were snuggling, two embarrassing things happened to me. I don't know why it happened then, but for the first time in a long time I started to cry. Poor boyfriend didn't know what was happening or where it came from. Part of it had to do with my own damn clumsiness, I wish that I was less clumsy and more sexy. (too much to ask for huh? lol) And another had to do with the sadness I feel from the silence that seems to be making frequent stays with my relationship with one of my best friends.

He kept asking me what was wrong while wiping away my tears and kissing them, and the words were there in my mind. UGH I'm just clumsy and the opposite of sexy and when you leave she wont talk to me.

So Instead of playing that same record that he's heard a million times by now, I just said I was embarrassed for elbowing him in the face and how clumsy I am. And I closed my eyes as he held me and ran his fingers through my hair and I tired not to think of the silence I'd be getting later on.

I just don't know what to do any more. Okay thats a lie. I know what to do and I know what will make it better, but it's nothing that I can do, it's something she has to do and something she wont do. So in the mean I guess I'm going to hope that this friendship wont fall apart.

S.S.S

I have to say that it really sucks knowing that people don’t like you. I mean it’s not like it really effects me that these people dislike me, but It would really be nice if they did.

I get that not everyone is going to like everyone but it would have been nice if things had turned out differently, you know what I mean?

He’s sitting right next to me, and I’m going to assume he saw me at one point or another? Maybe I’m wrong though. Maybe I’m just being insecure? Maybe it’s that I remember how I felt back them? Ugly, fat, stupid, not good enough, and just boring.

I don’t think I’m a bad person… yet there are people in this world who don’t like me for one reason or another. Where was my chance?

On another note… I can’t stop thinking about New Mexico. Starting over. Some place new. And Snow.

Pride is tomorrow. :)

If I take anything away form tomorrow I hope that it will be to be okay with who I am.

Everyone should be happy with who they are, no matter what their flaws are. :]

Well all make mistakes and no one is perfect but at least most of us do what we can

with what we have.

Hope you embrace yourself!

It's my wish for you.

I wished upon a rainbow. :p

you "LAUGH"

well what now?

What went wrong?

I'm going to end up with out something I love soon.

& there isn't anything else for me to do.

It takes two to tango.

Two to make anything work.

And I've have literally tried to do EVERYTHING.

Clearly not good enough.

So the question is.

What are you doing about it?

hmm?

What am I doing and where am I going.

Who's coming with me and who's staying behind?

Will everything work out in the end?

I think Confucius said something about how life is suffering.

So is the goal of our lives to just make it through the suffering??

I want to go above and beyond that please.

I'd like to be happy.

meeeerrrrr

i feel a heart break coming on.

and i don't want to talk about it...

mostly on the account i'm not allowed to.

there is so much i'd love to blog about

but i can't and that makes me not want to blog.

why shouldn't i be able to talk about whatever i want

when ever with whom ever where ever i want?!

UGH.

i wish sometimes i could give people a dose of their own

medicine. see how they like it. meh.

funk

It appears that I am in a funk. How I hate thee.
Just want to be lazy and forget everything.
is that too much to ask for?

I want to sit around and to try different types of wine,
eat crackers, cheese, and fruit.

And to watch TrueBlood season 3 already,

Or at least have a new book to read!

And Eclipse... Seriously cannot wait. Call me special but I've been reading these books since I was a sophomore in high school way before all these little beeotches came along and started the stupid twilight craze.

You think it's too much to ask?



On another note...
I hate knowing that I did it.
It hurts me and I feel like a fool.
I'm sorry and I wish I could take it back.
& I wish that this heat would go away.

& also... I miss the rain and cold.

You were an inch from the edge of this bed

Hello world and all who read this. I’m at barns and noble right now, one of my favorite places, with a soy chai tea, one of my favorite drinks. Sleepy Head by Passion Pit is playing. I do love this song.

I think lately I’ve been confused. REALLY confused. Questioning myself at every corner, second-guessing myself constantly. Wondering if I like where I am at right now? I guess everyone goes through a phase of downtime, and it’s my turn. I just need to pay more attention to me and to my feelings before I go around trying to fix everyone else and make them happy; because I think at the end of the day people can ALWAYS find something to be sad about. So even if am able to make someone’s life better, it’s out of my hands if they chose to be happy about it at the end of the day.

Lately my favorite person in the world has been my best friend Parker. I don’t know what it is but he is just ALWAYS happy. His lows are either from exhaustion or hunger. I want to be more like that. I want to not let things get to me and I want to be happy with what is happening and happy with where I am going. If only right? I’m not saying I don’t love being around everyone else, it’s just hmm nice to have that ray of sunshine around me. (: He’s my Jacob

Maybe it’s just so much fun to be around him because he is SO easy to tease. I forgot how much fun it is to play and joke around for hours. Have I become too serious? I don’t want to be serious! I want to always be a kid at heart; I mean I know lots of adults have told me I’m very mature for my age, but it’s not that, I mean shit… fart jokes crack me up, I think it’s just I’m mature in the sense I have an insane amount of empathy for people.

And maybe it’s that empathy for the world and all it’s sorrow that gets me down. Everyone has a sad story it seems. Everyone has sorrow in their hearts, and I can’t fix it! How positively frustrating! LOL

There is nothing left to do but to go forward from here and hope that in the end the road I’m traveling on takes me to a greater place.

what do you think?

i think i like to play with fire.

and it's bad as a pisces.

i need to get back to the water.

wish me luck :]

So again… procrastination! I LOVE THIS TRAIT! It only happens with school stuff. Big assignments. I feel that maybe it’s that I know I work best under the pressure. Its when I have the most concentration the most rapid thoughts and ideas spouting out of my brain. I will be busy this next week might not be able to post much and express my POSITIVE thoughts. Lol

Got Three essays to do and a PowerPoint presentation as well. Time to get my ass on a roll! :]

YAY!